For those of us who woke up Wednesday feeling sick, devastated and distraught to know that hate is not a disqualifying factor to millions of our fellow Americans, it is easy to feel hopeless. To fear the racism and misogyny and the characterization of so many of us as less than human that is to come.
We cannot change that. But we can make sure we don’t become that.
By now, many have seen or heard that Jason Kelce smashed the cell phone of a man who called his brother a homophobic slur while the former Philadelphia Eagles center was at the Ohio State-Penn State game last Saturday. Kelce also repeated the slur.
Kelce apologized, first on ESPN on Monday night and on his podcast with brother Travis that aired Wednesday. Angry as he was, Kelce said, he went to a place of hate, and that can never be the answer.
“I chose to greet hate with hate, and I just don’t think that that’s a productive thing. I really don’t,” Kelce said before Monday night’s game between the Kansas City Chiefs and Tampa Bay Buccaneers. “I don’t think that it leads to discourse and it’s the right way to go about things.
“In that moment, I fell down to a level that I shouldn’t have.”
Most of us can relate, having lost our cool and said things we shouldn’t have. In fact, most people have come to Kelce’s defense, recognizing both that the heckler crossed a line and that he was looking for Kelce to react as he did so he could get his 15 minutes of fame.
But we have to be better. All of us.
When we sink to the level of someone spewing hate, we don’t change them. We might even be hardening their resolve, given that more than 70 million Americans voted to re-elect Donald Trump despite ample evidence of his racism and misogyny.
We do change ourselves, however. By going into the gutter, we lose a part of our own humanity.
“I try to live my life by the Golden Rule, that’s what I’ve always been taught,” Kelce said. “I try to treat people with common decency and respect, and I’m going to keep doing that moving forward. Even though I fell short this week, I’m going to do that moving forward and continue to do that.”
That doesn’t mean we should excuse the insults and the marginalization of minorities. Nor does it mean we have to accept mean spiritedness. Quite the opposite. We have to fight wrong with everything in us, denounce anyone who demonizes Black and brown people, immigrants, women and the LGBTQ community.
But we can do that without debasing ourselves.
And we’re going to have to, if we’re to have any hope of ever getting this country on the right path. If we want this country to be a place where everyone is treated with dignity and respect, as our ideals promise, we have to start with ourselves.
“The thing that I regret the most is saying that word, to be honest with you,” Kelce said on his podcast, referring to the homophobic slur. “The word he used, it’s just (expletive) ridiculous. It’s just off the wall, (expletive) over the line. It’s dehumanizing and it got under my skin. And it elicited a reaction.
“Now there’s a video out there with me saying that word, him saying that word, and it’s not good for anybody,” Kelce continued. “What I do regret is that now there’s a video that is very hateful that is now online that has been seen by millions of people. And I share fault in perpetuating it and having that out there.”
On a day when so many of us are feeling despair, it’s worth remembering that hate has never solved anything. Be angry, be sad, be confused, be despondent. But do not become what you have fought against; do not embrace what you know to be wrong.
If you do, more than an election has been lost.
Follow USA TODAY Sports columnist Nancy Armour on social media @nrarmour.